I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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