Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
