sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think my fart just growled at me.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
