Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
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Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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