did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
