after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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