Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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