I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
