i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You dont lie about slip and slides
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NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?