Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(636): View more from Missouri

Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.

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(845): View more from New York

It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.

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(847): View more from Illinois

no one should ever give us hovercrafts

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.

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(206): View more from Washington

I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.

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(707): View more from California

please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up

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(423): View more from Tennessee

We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.

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(415): View more from California

I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.

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