Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.