did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
