my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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