I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.