I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
