There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
