my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
