Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my shit smells like andre
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
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