it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
