the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
