i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
