I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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