Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry noneedforone hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(516): View more from New York

How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"

Fav 16 1044 5225
share tweet
(203): View more from Connecticut

i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...

Fav 17 982 8388
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.

Fav 10 4557 1381
share tweet
(337): View more from Louisiana

Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.

Fav 30 1923 6379
share tweet
(480): View more from Arizona

He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again

Fav 9 4166 1119
share tweet
(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.

Fav 7 4938 1943
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(302): View more from Delaware

Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.

Fav 8 3775 1303
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(716): View more from New York

I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week

Fav 1 21 51
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(478): View more from Georgia

That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.

Fav 0 37 3
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT