i think my tv is drunk
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
