No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
