my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
