is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
