You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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