I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
