Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?