thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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