I thought spray tan was a myth
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.