Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked