I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
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You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
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I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country