She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Why can't burritos get me drunk
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.