Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men