Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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