They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
