I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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