so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
