Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
