I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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