your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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