i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
