dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
