You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
