I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
