you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize