I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
