So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
