I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
