It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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