Cold hands, warm shart.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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