FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
