Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
