She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
