I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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