His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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