Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
