Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
