hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
