it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
