you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
