I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
