Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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