Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
