Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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