It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
