watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
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I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
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He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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