This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
50% drunk capacity currently
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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