At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
