Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
