Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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