Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
