im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
