im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
