Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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