Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
