I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
