Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
