I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
