I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I don't deserve a penis
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
