I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It all started with a game of naked twister.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
