you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
