is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
