i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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