It was confusing and full of hummus
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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