I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
wow bdsm is so cute
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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